Mental Health – AnnJoest

Should you change your career?

Posted on March 23, 2023 by AnnJoest in Mental Health, Uncategorized

If you should change your career, that is something only you can answer and nobody else. No one in any forum can answer it for you and my blog also won’t answer that. It’s odd right because the title says so? I tell you why; I don’t know you and answering such an important question without knowing you, sounds completely wrong. Now, of course, I want to help you, even though I don’t know you. So with this blog, I want to make you aware of some factors that may influence you in your decision unconsciously.

Sometimes we have studied and worked in a field for many years. As a result and the older we turn, we become experts in a certain field. Because of that, it can make us feel comfortable to stay and we also enjoy the idea of the perks that often come with growing in a career “a higher salary” for example, or a different position “being a manager instead of an entry-staff”. These are externalities though, and if you don’t like your career, then these externalities won’t compensate for your level of dissatisfaction with the general career. That’s a bit of what keeps you drained when you come home.

Now you could think okay, but well you succeeded in this career and a different career is really new so you don’t know if you succeed there. The reality is that if you succeeded somewhere, a place that even does not seem to fulfill you, then you likely also succeed somewhere different and even more, if that place fulfills you. It’s a bit like not feeling drained of your energy that will be compensated with long hours of TV or shopping, but the energy used may make you feel a bit tired, but in a good way.

*If you already know that you are unhappy with what you have, then why not go for something that could make you happier?*

Yet, you may still think that you won’t succeed and that the stakes are too high because you would be new to something new. Here, the reality is that you already have certain skill sets that made you be in a career not of liking. Now, when you switch a career these skill sets don’t suddenly vanish into thin air, but they can often be used for a different job or career path as well. It means that often we think there is a clear-cut, a start 0 – a reminder of being a pre-schooler again, when in fact it’s not a start zero. A cashier with a beautiful soul will probably do a fantastic job in another profession in which talking is just as important. Or a chemist might do a great job as a doctor, because of his skill set to understand synergies and systems.

For this paragraph, I randomly forgot what I wanted to write about, which reminds me that we often don’t know what the future will bring, even if we had it planned out well or imagined it to be different. For example, studying Y to become D, but then realizing that D is not what we want and we want to do K instead now. Likewise, we don’t know if K will satisfy us, but at least we know that D does not. So doing the mathematics of staying in D vs K, we likely lose if we stay with D (adding a year of big fat energy – and that year after year until we retire and then die).

Now, should you change your career? I really don’t know that, but it may be suitable to identify factors that make you stay;

Do you want to stay because of externalities like perks and a position?
Do these externalities compensate for that feeling of feeling drained?
What scares you about staying? Is it because of what others think of you, or maybe what you think of yourself? And if you stay, because you don’t want to disappoint anyone (it happens), what about disappointing yourself?

Lastly, oftentimes we think that we have only one life, which makes us want to plan our life. The reality is that we have only one life, which means that if we plan our life and do what we think we should do, or what is expected, or follow how we imagined our career to play out, then we likely have missed out on the opportunity that life has to offer itself. It means, that if you don’t dare to fail, or risk being happy – in a new career – then with certainty you will stay in a career in which you will stay with certainty unhappy.

Of course, there are more factors to career changes or not, which makes me write; I would like to hear and chat with you. What makes you think or not think about changing a career?

How to rank higher on google? Be yourself.

Posted on February 24, 2023February 28, 2023 by AnnJoest in Language, Mental Health

I started writing this post with fear, because it was about sharing my business model and who wants to share their business model? Somebody who is secure with their business model and what they are doing. If you do your thing, it is less likely that somebody can take it away from you, because it means taking away you. You cannot be taken away, because it is you and even if somebody tried to copy you, they couldn’t, because they can’t be you.

What does that mean for writing? Somebody writes something great, which often is an expert in a specific field. To me I am very interested in Psychology so I often find posts from a Dr. x in Psychology or Mayor Clinic. I think “Gosh I have to be like them, to write like them, to get my Google Rankings up like them.” What happens here is that I compare myself. I compare myself to a person I don’t know, but their title “Dr.” and then Mayor Clinc. I set both as an ideal as to how writing should be done to get Google Rankings up. This does not help other then thinking that my writing is not good enough!

By setting somebody else(s writing) as an ideal, we tend to forget that we are ideal in our ideal. You and what you have to say and write about is unique, which makes it good enough to be ideal for yourself and therefore somebody else too. No? Look at the New York Times offering strangers to submit opinion pieces, because these opinion are worth being published – they matter. In other words; somebody can have a Dr. and something great to say about mental health and somebody else cannot be a Dr. and have something great to say about mental health too. It means that both perspectives are valuable and therefore rankable.

That day I thought a lot about self-rejection on a personal level but since we are individuals at companies, we self-reject as companies as a total too. Just go for it. There are no ideals, other then the ideals you set to yourself *on writing.*

So how do I get my rankings up? Generally I don’t look up any competition and what anyone else has writtten about the topic of my interest. I do that to avoid comparison and to focus on my own writing style. It allows me to write about what comes to my mind, without feeling the pressure of having to live up to an ideal or writing like another to gain rankings. In my writing I also do not write for rankings, but because I enjoy it. For example, I have a natural curiosity for topics and I find it joyful to bring difficult topics more easy across and at times to mix different disciplines. And at times, I write about what comes to mind.

How to rank high then? Often we try to “create something” by having an ideal in mind. The ideal post should be like that, which ends up losing a sense author authenticity. It means that you may end up adjusting a specific writing style or change your writing voice to align with an imagined ideal. This leads you likely to lower your rankings, because it lacks authenticity. You are not like “Dr. x”, Mayor Clinic or Tesla Marketing, but you are who we are and your strenght is your knowledge, writers voice and perspective. So if you want your rankings up; be yourself and express that. Of course, good grammar, structure etc. helps with that too.

It seems helpful to ensure that your titel matches the content of your article. If your title sounds like “The elephant eats the apple” and the content is about buying houses, it may sound nice, but it is unclear.

Think of what you stand for and how to communicate that. Of course, different blogs on how to get your SEO rankings up will tell you differently and that is okay! For example, it seems helpful to use specific keywords to be found. On the other hand, you end up implementing all these things and realize that it was so stressfull that in many cases your rankings don’t go up. What is it that you stand for and whats your unique selling point? Communicate that and it is likely that your rankings go up higher. Does your view contradict whats been written about? Great, communicate that and if not whats your view on it? Let your voice be heard.

Lastly, I don’t know how to get Google Rankings up with certainty. Many blogs will tell you so, even experts in rankings, but the reality is that there is no absolute cerainty. However, Google of course is smart and what it does much – my secret now for you- is to have a look at individual writing styles. So what is yours and what is it that you want to bring across if it is only for you? What niche can you fill? And if you found that niche -a last analysis – fill it with #hashtags but don’t think to much about them.

Of course there is much more to it and validity in how to rank higher by actively applying scoring and writing techniques. With this post, however, I wanted to offer a different perspective that has been working for me well without even wanting it.

References

For this blog I used desperate observations on how I got my google ratings up and theory from psychoanalysis.

Contact

Do you find yourself in difficulties to bring your message accross easily , are you looking for someone to write for you, or somebody to find out whats niche for you ? Contact me for writing inquiries.

What’s my unique selling point? I bring difficult topics easy across and I tend to mix disciplines. Sometimes I use a bit of scienctific background and sometimes not.

Can psychoanalysis heal depression?

Posted on January 19, 2023February 20, 2023 by AnnJoest in Mental Health

It may not at first and it may worsen it for some time and eventually it will get better, much better. I write about it, because I never knew I had depression and I want to write about it, because many people don’t write or speak about it. That is confusing because according to the World Health Organization almost 238 million people suffer from depression. I will not write about what it is, in fact you can look it up. I recommend looking up different resources too, because different resources will provide different explanations. In a similiar way depression is felt differently and is presented as such too. For example, I never thought I had it, because I was quite smily in public and one of my skill-sets was to cheer people up and to be super fun.

I no longer am that fun and cheer-full and at the same time, I start to no longer feel depressed. Some people may argue that comes at a loss of my joy and increased negativity and I start to counter-argue that it comes with gains; joy and realness. That is the joy, that when I feel joy feels real and not the joy I wish to feel “wish-full thinking” or an image I create to distract myself from the pain or void I actually feel, to keep a distance between what I call my true self and the part of it that would like to be protected, defended, or is not even visible because of how insigificant it or the parts of it can feel.

I decide to write about it and as I write about it, I hope to give you a glimpse and already have of what psychoanalysis can feel like and why it does help me, when it does. In fact, I write about it, which could come at the dismiss of some people such as relatives and lets say at a time in which I am open for employment. One could say writing about it reduces my hiring chance and it adds a negative image onto me. I argue the opposite. I don’t want to work somewhere, where mental health is stigmatized and secondly, I don’t want to hide behind a mask, which is that it has put me into depression primary. In addition, it does not limit me, does not define me. It does the opposite.

What is depression? I don’t know, but what I have learned in psychoanalysis is that one can understand or at least feel it, if what we call our self-defenses are being removed. That is to say to remove what we think we think to keep and maintain the life we have; relationships, things and forms of knowledge we have acquired that can come with other committments in life too; friends and family. Generally, you would not want to change or give up on them, even be critique of them, because they feel as much as “safe” and “certain”. That is where you belong and where over time you have acquired a certain life or status, of which you don’t want to break free off, even if you suffer. You don’t know that you suffer to begin with.

Unconciously, you likely suffer, because “it” might not be something that you really want. You are used to it and you think it is what you want. If you learned to be denied to write from a young age, or not to do the thing you want to, you will do another thing you want less likely and you will also seek out to people who will make you or find ways to make you do the thing you don’t want to too. These may even be the things they want to or deem as right for them for you, whilst that might be a projection of what they want and wished for themselves. Most of us have not studied psychology, or the tricks our mind does, so we wouldn’t even think of something like that keeping us locked in the rabbit hole of unconcious misery; a form of denial of ourselves and who we want(ed) to be. We do it because it is “familiar”, it feels “save and yet it is what makes you feel tired, drained at a job or in a relationship for example. It makes you feel “depressed”.

How do we get out the rabbit hole? In psychoanalysis we are being made aware of it and that is painful. It is as much painful as it begins to free, which is that through awarness of what we might have gotten a bit twisted that we no longer want to stay in the rabbit hole but leave it. For example through dream analysis, we may realize that the dream in which we played soccer with a position in the back left, is not a representation of how we wanted to play socccer, but how we were in fact “left behind”. That we had desires that weren’t heard, because they were perceive(d) as less important, or even wrong, or punishable. Through a slip in a toung we find we don’t like something that we thought we like, which is what we are not aware about (the unconcious speaking to us). In analysis we give it room to surface, what is unspoken, could not be addressed at home or because of other socio-cultural reasons. A bit like saying “I hate my husbands/wife favorite dish, but I eat it to make him/her happy”. Well, what about you? What makes you happy?

Why depression though? We repeat what we claim as safe and what feels familiar. But because it is, it does not mean to be true to us, or who we are. For example, happinness tends to be a reward function, but we tend to wanting to feel it all the time, which is exhausting. Or we may want to try out something different, but in your familiar environment you find phrases like “that’s gonna be difficult, you are probably too old, you shouldn’t do this, this is not what family or work expects form you… “. While these are likely meant well, to keep you from pain, they may lock you in pain, because of how something might be denied that is for you to experience; life and the challenges unique to you. It “pushes you down”, it depresses.

Can Psychoanalysis heal depression? First of all, it is for you to try, I am doing a Freudian psychoanalysis and it made me aware of what I was not aware of, which provided me with the awarness of what makes me feel uncomfortable of which I did not know it does or did. And through the awareness one could say to not “heal” from depression, but to change the narrative so that it may no longer be felt as much or in other words keeps you down, drains you of your energy, whatever it is. [Latin: press down. My interpertation: the thing(s) that keep(s) us down]. And you’re not alone in that.

Cover Image Source: https://www.planstreetinc.com/keep-an-eye-on-your-mental-health-for-a-healthier-life/

Self-Rejection and Innovation

Posted on January 9, 2023February 24, 2023 by AnnJoest in Business-Sustainability, Mental Health

You are a company, an individual and you would like to do it different. You don’t because of what others think, the possibility to get rejected. You do it then like others do it, or those who are well known “write like the New York Times”, copy the business model from “Tesla”. You get little to no liking, because you lack novetely and you feel frustrated, it lacks the reality you wished to feel, to follow.

The outcome is that what you would have liked to do, what you and how you would like to do it differently, has and had little chance to surface and it leads you to self-reject before you even try.

I believe this perception is how much innovation becomes #rejected before it even has the chance to surface or to come to word.

P.S. even the New York Times started somewhere to be New York Times. Why not be your own New York Times, Tesla, whatever it is that you admire?

Image Source

Working With Instead of Against Emotional Dysregulation at the Workspace

Posted on August 29, 2022February 20, 2023 by AnnJoest in Mental Health

The article with a focus on trauma and behavior, was written for and published by the online community “normalizing the conversation“, aiming to destigmatize and normalizing the conversation(s) around mental health. Thank you.

Healthy brain development serves as foundation for emotional regulation

Dr. Bruce Perry, a child neurologist with a specialization in child complex trauma is known for his expertise in healthy and unhealthy brain development; The brains’ development starts bottom up with the brainstem being responsible for core regulational activities such as blood pressure, up to the cortex in which abstract forms or aspects of language are formed too. In between there is the Diencephalon responsible for functions such as arousal, appetite and other, followed by the limbic system for emotional regulation.

Ideally, all these brain regions develop healthy from the bottom to the top. That happens if one ,for instance, has been responded to when cried (crying is the expression of a need since babies cannot express their needs in language yet). Responses to cries can be hugging, feeding or humming the baby or child as it grows up, so that it or more specifically its emotions and feelings feel regulated and validated. Later on these healthy or regulated brain regions will then serve in better understanding and processing emotions so that these emotions are easier put into language so that one can express needs but also feelings well. In school or work this can look like more directly responding to questions, describing less, being more direct instead of descriptive.

What happens in unhealthy brain development and how does that show in adult behavior and how to better work with it?

However, if the baby has not been responded well to, or if the baby and child has been punished or ignored for crying or having in that sense a need, then the adult version of the child will likely have difficulties in regulating emotions, but later on also in expressing them. The consequence is that one who experiences emotional dysregulation, may also experience dysregulation in speech, not literally but the ability to express needs, including wishes and desires fundamentally to their livelihood and ability to thrive as a person, privately and at work. The inability or difficulty to express that can lead to greater levels of miscommunication and thereby create conflict at the workplace and in addition feelings that one is not listened to well or other forms of behaviors such as being avoidant, withdrawing, but also being very active or too affirmative, saying yes to most things to avoid being ignored or feeling useless.

This causes a lot of energy and this makes working for those who grew up in a less nurturing environment (not only as a baby but throughout childhood and teenie years) sometimes extremely difficult. It may not even show like that though, because being punished for acting out; this could be as normal as crying, being, angry or frustrated, – made it feel that the parts of oneself that feel or are not ideal to what a parent or other caretaker might have had expected, are unworthy of showing or being (basically feeling one can’t be sad or frustrated at work, home or anywhere). As a result, one could work in a permanent dissociated stage (detached from any feeling, working like a machine). One could also show up in the work personality, that lasts around a work day and present themselves as the best employee, while in a fact the mind beyond that look could feel much different; feeling that one is mistreated, feeling like one is not valued, feeling like one is unworthy, everyone else sucks, the jobs suck, everyone is evil, feeling like one just wants to run away, because one’s’ feelings don’t matter. Chaos breaks out, when finally out of the office, at home, anywhere.

Working like that is difficult and it becomes even more difficult if certain work policies or mental health programs are conflict avoidant too, so that someone having grown up in an avoidant or punishable home, has to keep up that mask or let’s say work identity. It can be like “ we are trying to avoid conflict here, by being more positive in team-work.” Urges big No Go and a sign for a lack of a supportive mental health environment, because it is indeed conflict or the ability to have different opinions, or to show different emotions so that working with a sort of “dysregulation” or an identity that works at home and at work, works.

In fact it is that a range of emotions have to be lived and expressed, so that one better expresses themselves and others can better respond too. By the way, there is no right or wrong to how one feels, but only in denying feelings and thereby oneself. Yet, while feelings are right, the result, or the action or conclusive thought that might follow might not be true and there a lot of frustration, anger or avoidance can pop up too. In practice it looks like that” I didn’t receive an email response within a day. I am sad. I conclude I am hated. I am the most hated and worst employee.” In fact it is not like that. One indeed can be sad, even very sad or any other sort of feeling, but one is not the thought. One is not the most hatred employee or a loser. In fact, another person might be out longer for the day, is sick, doesn’t feel like replying, is lazy, is too busy, is sad, is stressed, has to deal with other things. There can be so many reasons. And these are so important to think about so that whatever thought one has, no longer defines one or the feeling.”

To make life for any employee now more easy, it could be recommended to ditch some of the positive work culture and introduce concepts of clear communication without leaving room for interpretation. “Thank you for your email. I will reply by tomorrow.” Further “You did this great, and here this needs improvement, because of… Please get back to me by (date)/ I will get back to you by (date). You can contact me during the week here or there. Over the weekend I am not available.” The word because does magic, because it leaves nobody wondering.

Resources:

Perry & Operah (2022). What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing.

Rosenfeld, H. (1983). Primitive object relations and mechanisms. International Journal of Psycho-Analysis, 64, 261-267.

What’s therapy like?

Posted on May 9, 2022February 20, 2023 by AnnJoest in Mental Health

It’s mental health awareness week, 2022 and indeed, I am visiting a therapist too. Is that a bad thing? No. Is that a good thing? Yes. Unfortauntely therapy is often stigamtized although in the USA it was for some time quit common to have a therapist. Therapy can be for everyone, of any age and often its not just about being “mindfull”, sometimes its a change in perception or putting emotions into language. Much I didn’t know about, so that I put together this small blog on a few of my learnings, to kind of change that narrative on mental health and illustrate that different forms of looking at mental health and perception can contribute to well-being as individual and within the broader cultural context. After all, its for all.

Look at the bright side!

Its’ been one of the comments I heard most in my life and also said it most to myself. Something didn’t go well, but I had to or made myself look at the bright side. “A relationship ended sadly, but on the bright side it ended. A family member died, but on the bright side, I was on holidays. I got rejected for a job, on the bright my CV looked great. I was sad about moving to another city, but on the bright sight new people could be met. I lent someone money who did not pay it back, but on the bright side I still had money. I was scared about teaching, on the bright side I looked beautiful. The project proposal did not get accepted, on the bright side new calls would come. I felt lonely, on the bright side I have a cat.”

Though, my therapist taught me, these statments have nothing to do with the experience felt. They devalue and they distract from what has caused the feeling to begin with; Why did the project proposal fail? Why was I scared of teaching? Why couldn’t I be sad on holidays? Why did I lend money to this person? Why didn’t I get the job? Not feeling “the side not bright” instead pushed feeling inwards, made expressing them difficult, has led to isolating more inwards. It devalued, took away the meaning of what was felt, created uncertainty and supported acceptance over the non bright side. Leading to no changes that could serve a truly brighter side. Its’ called toxic positivity.

Your feelings are wrong!

I remember one of the first conversations with therapist and I said “Sorry for crying I know it’s stupid to be sad about this.” From then on many conversations were about “Why would you feel stupid for feeling a certain way? It’s how you feel and there is nothing wrong about feeling. It’s like saying it’s stupid that you feel sad for having lost a leg [if you did]. It’s not stupid. It’s valid in your own experience”. From then on, more conversations centered around the validty of my feelings, the fact that each of us has an own “subjective narrative” to which we react in certain ways that holds true to how we feel and perceive. Indeed telling others that their feelings are wrong, is by fact wrong. Its okay to be annoyed, its okay to be angry, its okay to be happy, its okay to be.

A narrative on celebations on mothers day being for happy mothers only is one-sided. When we have a society that celebrates or rewards only certain type of behaviour or feelings and disregards different perceptions and experiences, society is limited in its being. That is reducing the feelings of people to an inadequacy that more likely pushes them into shame instead of finding a supportive networking or feedback that more likely reinforces or is accepting their feelings. Telling them, that their feelings are”right as oppose to wrong”.

This won’t work!

There are probably many times in which we got rejected, as child, as lover, as employe, so often that trying feels scary. But it doesn’t have to be. Rejection isn’t a bad thing. Trying to avoid rejection, is a bad thing. Telling someone that a change in direction won’t work because the risks are uncertain may not pay out in the long term. Sometimes we do have to risk. Telling someone they can’t love someone because the circumstances are off, minimizes their feelings but may also leads them to self-reject, before they may even try within the circumstances that are off. Recommending someone to avoid talking about a certain topic, because it won’t be liked, likely leads to that things will always stay the same.

It is not rejection itself that people fear, it is the possible consequences of rejection.Preparing to accept those consequences and viewing rejection as a learning experience that will bring you closer to success, will not only help you to conquer the fear of rejection, but help you to appreciate rejection itself (Robert Foster Bennet)

It’s not important!

My shoe is dirty, but it’s not important. I have relationship problem at home, but it’s not important. I feel lonely, but it’s not important. I am stressed because I have to pick up my child earlier, but it’s not important. I want to take a shower, but it’s not important. I want to become a writer, but it’s not important. I want to try out a new music instrument, but it’s not important. I want to study something else, but it’s not important. I want to set up a business, but it’s not important. I want to change my curricular, but it’s not imporant. (…)

“Why isn’t it important?” my therapist asked and I said , some things I think, in the large scale don’t matter. I can’t change them, I have no experience” “It matters because it matters to you.”

Whatever small it is , it matters. If nothing really matters or if importance is reduced to the smallest feeling, then everything that is perceived as seemingly not important, will always stay that way, when its the small things, the small irritants that need more listening to. Small things, that make living so worthile, a clean shoe, a random post, a great conversation, an egaged student, a happy pet, a great meal, shiny hair, a great book, time to breath, time to do nothing, a boring holiday, a cool class, an experiment that fails.

This has to be perfect!

There is no perfection. Even in nature, leafs don’t look perfect symmetrical. There is always some sort of lack of perfection. But we tend to want make things perfect, write perfect, say everything perfect, think it all through, wait so much, copy other people who we think that make something perfect, lose some sort of sense of self or how ones own uniquness can be perfect to another, thinking one needs to be like another, than realizes one is not, had their own perfection already been perfect to themselves. Misses hours and days of simply “doing” or “doing” by perfectionizing, when things aren’t always perfect. They may appeal, more or less, but there is no guideline on perfection, and where there is, they miss out the uniqueness that imperfection offers; a typo in a CV or text of a brilliant person, an academic article trying to be published by a non-native struggling English speaker, an idea terrible explained, but fantastic in its implementation, a haircut not appealing to the mass, but so appealing to one it truly does appeal to, love true and messy in the eyes of others, but so rich and fullfilling in the eyes of oneself with the other, a uniqe business to be shared, but isn’ because its not like other [go for it !]

Narratives on mental health?

Hiding, not feeling, pretending not to, ignoring, avoiding, not living, not being, determine how things should and should not be, all that effects our mental health. It is the range of feelings, the range of narratives, the range of experiences that makes being human more human, within the experience that one shapes with oneself and the expereince one shapes with another. There is no right or wrong to being, there is more likely wrong to “denying being” and that is where much of the mental health headeachs reside ; thinking one isn’t good enough the way they are, devaluing feelings, the experiences one makes, not wanting to change, because one things they can’t, wanting others to be the same, denying individuality, denying love, denying being.

(…)

Resources

[Experiences from my therapy and readings following Freud, Lacan, Instagram posts from therapists]

Mari Ruti (2013): The Call of Character: Living worth being. Book

The role of early attachment in consumption patterns – a public health perspective

Posted on October 24, 2021February 20, 2023 by AnnJoest in Mental Health

In 2015, I conducted public-health related research into the consequence of child complex trauma on the brain. The goal of my research was to develop an activity guide for lay people that could help reduce these consequences on the brain. To conduct the research, I interviewed a range of practitioners includig; psychologists, psychiatrists & neurologists in Southen California, USA. Besides that, I also also merged into the literature world on brain development and the role of attachment/ relationships in child development.

After finalizing my reserach and presenting the outcomes to “Court Appointed Special Advocates“, I realized that how we are nurtured, the way we are loved and cared for has one of the greatest impacts on how we later behave in life. It impacts how we form, build and maintain relationships, how we communicate with each other and how meaning is created within ourselves and the world around us.

The capacity to love is at the core of the success of humankind. The reason we’ve survived on this planet is that we’ve been able to form and maintain effective groups. Isolated and disconnected, we are vulnerable. In community, we can protect one another, cooperatively hunt and gather, share with the dependents of our family, our clan. Relation glue keeps our species alive, and love is the relationa superglue. Perry & Operah, 2021, p. 77

Healthy attachement can be formed in multiple ways and directions; parents, grandparents, friends, co-workers, communities

What influence does attachement have on our neurological development?

When a baby is born, it enters the world with a specific number of neurons. These neurons then form into neural networks that predefine how we view and engage in this world later on. Because the brain develops “bottom- up” (see Figure 2: Brain chart), the way in which neural networks are formed from infant age pre-define later developments in the higher regions of the brain. It defines how these regions are connected and how resiliant our behaviour will be towards challanges such as stress, disagreements or changes (think about private/work relationships or within ourselves).

How these neural networks develop differs for individuals. If a baby grows up in an attuned and loving environment, where its needs are being met emotionally and physcially, neuron-connections will form that are based on “healthy, self-regulatory and resilient” developments. If a baby grows up in a stressfull environment or an environment in which it was neglected, continuesly stressed or only its basic needs were fullfilled, the brain develops in such a way that the functions of upper brain regions can be impaired. Such impairment can be illustrated in difficulties such as “self-regulation and resiliance towards stresses, or ability to reason”. It may also impair the ability to form and maintain meaningful relationships.

Brain map and sypmtoms (Source: Bruce Perry, http://www.Child Trauma.org, Ann-Cathrin Joest, Research Report, 2015)

In adult life, such dysregulation within the adult and the adults relationship can be displayed in a range of behaviours (see Figure 2: Brainchart and related dysfunctional symptom). Someone who grew up in an environment through which healthy neurological networks developed in all four brain regions, will be more likely to view a challange as something “natural”, something that is not a threat. However, someone who has difficulties with self-regulation may view a daily challange as a threat and therefore involuntarily shuts down the more complex region of the brain responsible for reasoning and arguing (cortex-region). In doing so, the more primative functions of the brain are actived (Brainstem, Diencephalon[Midbrain]), those that support survival. While these functions possibly helped a child to survive, these functions do not serve as an adult anymore, think about someone quick to respond agressively or without thinking or someone yelling, swearing , leaving etc.

How does neural development and attachement relate to sustainable behaviour?

At my my current job, I am engaged in the development of sustainable and circular business models. I try to answer questions such as “How can sustainable business models reduce interest in consumption? And why do people consume so much? How can products create intrinsic meaning and how can such meaning be translated in a society that currently appears to seeks meaning in an access of consumption ? ” .

For so long, I could not cearly think about the answers until I began reading the book “What happenned to you? Conversations on Trauma, resilience and healing” by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey. It was that book that reminded me on my research on neurodevelopment and healthy attachment, that I realized many answers can be found in “dysregulations and early (un)healthy attachement“. That the more dysregulation exists within ourselves and the less healthy attachements we formed as an infant or child, the less meaning we create within ourselves and relationships. The more likely we seek satisfaction in extrinsic activities, ways of behaving and acting [unconciously] to regulate an intrinsic need (we may not be aware of). So I believe that -love / instrinsic love- is the cure to much of the sustainability debates we face today. Love and early healthy attachements, that nurture, love that supports resiliance (within brain structures) and supports curiosity for positive change. Love -that type of glue that lasts longer then the short term satisfaction from addiction such as overeating and consumption.

The challange with activating our reward circuits is that the pleasure fades. The feeling of reward is short-lived. Think how long the pleasure of eating a potato chips last. A few seconds. Then you want another. Same with a hit of nicotine from a cigarette. Or even the smile of a loved one. It feels so good in the moment, and we can recall it and get a little pleasure, but the intenses sense of reward fades. So each day we are pulled to refill our reward bucket. The healthiest way to do this is through relationships. Connectedness regulates and rewards us. Perry & Operah, 2021, p. 64.

Moving forward?

For a sustainable society, to thrive as individual and thus, the collective, I believe that we must put greater emphasizes on healthy developments and community, identify healthy meaning within the individual that can translate into the collective and the other way round. However, how can such a society be created, if more hours are worked, if cost of living are increasing and if global inequalities persist?

References:

Winfrey, O., & Perry, B. D. (2021). What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing. Flatiron Books.

Joest, A. (2015). Consequences on Complex trauma on the brain. Reserach Report. Windesheim Honours College & Court Appointed Special Advocates, Orange County, California.

Emotions and Assumptions

Posted on June 27, 2021March 23, 2023 by AnnJoest in Mental Health

Often a sentence is said or a statement is made that leads to frustration. Frustration as a “feeling” is of course okay. Likewise, frustration can become a barrier if the feeling of it remains, if it is dealt with in silence and is later expressed in ways of anger. Anger then can become expressed in indirect ways such as gossip, withdrawal from work, dissatisfaction, or loss of motivation. Anger can also be expressed in direct ways such as by making a statement very personal and likewise becoming very defensive or even insulting. Regardless of whether anger is internalized and indirectly or directly expressed, suppressing it and not being able to address what has been said and how one felt about it likely leads to another cascade of unsatisfying feelings and behaviors.

How can one statement create intensive feelings?

We might listen and understand an entire statement that has been made, but at the same time, our brain creates a network of hidden messages that lie within each word said and therefore creates an automated desire for responses as another person speaks or writes. Because of that, a neutral statement made can create an intensive emotional outburst (of course not always) and therefore feelings of anger and frustration. A statement from a colleague that could be as basic as ” I saw you left home earlier yesterday” could be scandalous.

What do we base assumptions on and why?

Each of us is born and raised as an individual. That means that each of us learned to feel, to behave , to see, to react and to communicate differently. Because of that, each brain is wired differently with different neural networks that manifest our knowledge and behaviors. This also means that each of us has different feelings and associations with specific words or “cues”. An example is that while someone has happy feelings related to home like “relaxing, cozy, loving, comfortable” someone else might have feelings such as “pressure, unhealthy relationships, colorless, sad”. Likewise, depending on the day, different associations might be made to home and the meaning given to it.

What causes overreaction? Because each of us has different experiences and different associations with a specific word, we can experience what has been said with different emotions. The statement ” I saw you left home earlier yesterday” could lead to a feeling of sadness or anger if the receiver of this message creates negative associations with each word. An example could be that this person needed to leave early for another job because of an emergency “at home” but was criticized for that. Because of that this statement could re-create feelings of a situation in the past and therefore can cause distress and anger. Likewise, another person might have had different or more positive experiences with “leaving early” or “home” and perceives the statement as neutral.

Think about the different x1-x9 being different words or phrases and h1-h9 being different experiences and feelings related to them. Y then represents our final reaction or assumption that might be misleading to what was meant to begin with.

How can we reduce making assumptions?

Listen carefully to what has been said and think about what has been said exactly
Think about how this statement made you feel.
Then think about where these feelings are coming from.
Are these feelings based on an experience in the past and if yes, how do they apply to the current situation?
If you are unsure, you can also ask for clarifications and what is meant by a certain question or statement. This helps to see the others person’s frame and intention can navigate away from previously made assumptions.
Once it is clear what has been said, how your past might have framed you into thinking a specific way, it’s your time to respond (if you want to).

Is there such a thing as a proper response? There is no accurate way of responding and each response is context related. To me important is to understand your feelings and to communicate in such a way that it makes you feel most comfortable and the other person understands;

If a question or a statement made you feel uncomfortable you can say so. ” I left earlier for personal reasons and prefer not to talk about it.”
You may explain why it made you feel uncomfortable. Sometimes this helps to create a mutual understanding. “I feel uncomfortable talking about it, because in the past I left earlier for work for an emergency and I got criticized for it. I am worried it happens again.”
You may also ask for clarifications “Why did you ask me that? What exactly do you mean by that statement or question?”
You may also respond freely and express yourself how this question made you feel like ” I left home earlier because my brother needed help. Your question makes me feel …., because ……”

Emotions, assumptions and sustainability?

It is very easy to make assumptions or believe to “know something” based on past experiences (that’s quite natural to human survival), but sometimes we don’t know for sure and because of that engage in unhealthy behaviors. Again, that could be overconsumption, quitting a job or ending a relationship for the wrong reasons, being sad about something for weeks etc. . To understand and to address what we feel and why, can ultimately help us change a situation and create a new frame to benefit from.

On every emotion being valid – SDG3

Posted on May 10, 2021February 20, 2023 by AnnJoest in Mental Health

For the many years of my 30 years of life, I imagined there would be that one emotion to aim for during and at the end of the day. That would be the emotion that many of us describe as happiness. I’d basically become a fan of this particular emotion and I loved reading happiness quotes as well. There are of course other emotions too, but emotion “happinness” received long my greatest attention. Happiness brought me joy, but happiness also brought me sadness as I learned that I didn’t give my other emotions enough attention up to the point that I felt they are neither much useful or something to acknowledge much. Sometimes I was even annoyed or felt bad for having them. Bascially I felt that feeling annoyed (as an emotion) was annoying. Of course it is not.

Why does this matter? Because, whenevever often I didn’t put on a happy face (of course not always, because that would be exhausting for my facial muscles), I was worried something was wrong with me up to the point of feeling bad for not being happy. And I think social media kind of strenghtens that. There aren’t much profile picture (FB, IG,Twitter, TikTok,..), where people use angry or sad profile pictures. Most often people use one picture, which often has one emotion. It does so only, because it is super difficult to merge multiple emotions into one facial expression. I just tried and I failed. I know you’ll try out too now.

Faking a smile, also attracts others with a fake smile. What if you were real and it would attract others that were just as real? Love and connection : )

Now, I do not know peoples emotions based on their pictures, but many profile pictures show smiles. And I would associate smiling to something that illustrates happiness. For instance, when someone makes a joke or I am actually happy, I smile and laugh. Of course noone always smiles, but when we talk to each other, we tend to smile as well to emphasize with each other. Why can we not smile? Is that something bad? I ask this question, because sometimes I feel like relaxing and not smiling and I had people questioning me why I wasn’t smiling and whether that meant I was not happy, if I was sad and if something happenend? I said ” No , everything is okay” , but likewise began smiling (very lightly ) and it was then okay and accepted.

.. Please worry and don’t be happy if you are not!

There are of course times, where I didn’t feel so happy and felt happy when I got to talk about my worries. However, most conversations ultimately embodied language like ” don’t worry, don’t be sad, be happy , don’t focus on the negative. ” Over time this began building up and I felt that feeling something else other than being happy wasn’t much validated, either by myself and likewise by others and for themselves. But it’s not true. Every emotion is valid and so important to experience and live.

Being and feeling is what makes us humans. It’s every emotion that we are entitled to feel and there is no wrong emotion. It’s okay to feel angry and its okay feel sad and its okay feel excited and its likewise okay to feel happy. Emotions are like the light spectrum. Only together they make life on earth possible. If we’d only let blue light waves enter the atmosphere, well we would not exist very well. Or we could think about a rainbow and its colors. If we’d only want it in our favorite color, well a rainbow would be quite colorless. And the same can be accounted for our emotions.

Visible Spectrum color, Electromagnetic Spectrum that Visible to the human eye, Sunlight color, infographic

Why does this matter ? Sigmund Freud described it nicely ” unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways. ” Ultimately, unexpressing our emotions leads us to not being happy with ourselves but also our environment.

Then how can we be really happy ? Theres no definition on happiness and I do agree that happinnes comes from within. But it doesn’t come from putting a smile on your face or telling yourself to be happy, when you are not. It comes, when you are attuned with your feelings and when you can express them to yourself and others. Of course, there are different ways of expressing them and saying” Hey, I am angry at you” and then throwing a punsh into someones face or quitting work straight away is less ideal. But emotions help you understand what you need to feel better ” I am angry, because you came 15 minutes late without notifying me. Actually, I think I was worried about you. Could you call me the next time please? You are important to me. ” Understanding and expressing yourself also helps other people understanding you and gives each of you the opportunity to help and fullfill a need.

What does happiness have to do with sustainability ? Often we are less likely attuned with ourselves / our feelings, what we need and what actually makes us happy. Because of that we buy things or compensate suppressed feelings with behaviours that are ultimately not beneficial like overconsumption. Being more attunned with ourselves and our environment leads us to less likely engage in unsustainable behaviour. -> We thrive and so can our planet. #SDG3

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